Such a blue and flawless night

Some things I love about Montana:

DIY yard art

The Giant’s Drink:

Overlapping interests

(I spend stressful moments mentally populating the Manlove Ranch)

Interesting neighbors

An insider’s sense of irony

Picturesque weather

And, by request, my current home (still Aunt’s place)

Here’s the thing about moving to Montana: I thought I was going to have a place to live.  Seriously, while I was out here jobhunting my aunt and I talked about ways to get half of her 10-acre property, including the house,  into my possession.  So I came out.  But now there are problems with the county saying I can’t live here once her new house (on the other half of her property) is finished, and transferring ownership of this property hasn’t come up again.  And I can’t bring myself to be all, “Hey, so what happened to giving me 5 acres and a house, hmm?” at my aunt.  So sometime in the not-too-distant future I will be homeless.  And my job does not pay rent money, let me say.

Which brings me to my new job.  There is only so much I should say here, I suppose, if I am smart.  But let me just tell you all that at work I was IN THE BATHROOM CRYING during the holidays.  Also I recently told my GM off for being an unprofessional asshole to me.  God it is so awful.  And the pay is shitty.  MACDONALDS is paying $0.75 more/hour to start than I am making, and I got more then most people usually get because of my experience.  Costco starts people $1.75 more/hour.  $1.75!

Obviously I need a new job.  But the thing is, I don’t know what’s going to happen with the living situation here, and I don’t want to start something new if I am just going to have to move in the spring — jobhopping looks SO BAD on a resume.  (And even if I found a job that paid rent here, I REALLY REALLY don’t want to keep renting, especially apartments.  I want something of my own, dammit.)   I may wind up back in FL again, but even my family is all, “But it would really suck if you came back here and then we sold the house and moved back to Montana right away.”  Apropos of which, my parents turned down offer #2 on the house. 

Anyway, my aunt is now making noise about having the county inspectors come and see that this place is shut down (no cooking facilities, which is already pretty much the case, I won’t go into it here) and then just letting me stay anyway.  “What could they do?”   THEY COULD FINE YOU A LOT OF MONEY IS WHAT THEY COULD DO AND THEN I WOULD FEEL RESPONSIBLE AND ALSO LIKE I HAD TO PAY THE FINE.  But I say nothing, because what else is there?

In additional stress news, my ovaries have been, like, hemmoraging for almost three weeks now despite The Pill (which I have been taking for years).  And I do mean ovaries, not uterus.  So, polycystic ovarian syndrome kicking my butt?  Stress of move+new job+bad news on the homelessness front+holiday insanity+awful jobness = rebelling hormones?  Or something more sinister?  I DO NOT HAVE INSURANCE RIGHT NOW, BODY.  I CANNOT TAKE YOU TO THE GYN.  GIVE ME A BREAK FOR ONCE.

In all seriousness I think I am really clinically depressed at the moment, to the point where my thinking is not completely rational.  I do not know what, in this post, might be a cause and what might be an effect, but I do know that, again, I have no insurance yet and so cannot go talk to a doctor.  I don’t mean to be all emo and whingy, but I am seriously not coping.  I would REALLY like to not have all these overwhelming feelings of total failure and helplessness, and the occasional panic attack is something I could do without, as well.  (I am turning into my mother.) 

Body AND mind weirdness could conceivably be explained by improper thyroid med dosage, of course, but once again… NO INSURANCE.  Jesus, help me.

In conclusion, two firm conclusions:

1. It is bad for me to be away from people who will physically touch me.  I crave physical contact and miss it when I don’t get it, and the lack thereof has a definite affect on my ability to cope.  I promise myself that I will never again move somewhere that I don’t have someone I can hug when I need it.

2. The problem with not demanding a lot of life is that you don’t then get a lot from life.  Which makes sense, I suppose, but how do you suddenly come up with some big heroic goal to strive for when all you really want is somewhere small and comfortable to live, a touchy-feely friend or two, and a dog?

It really is too beautiful here for words.  Helena sits on the side of a very round valley, so I am surrounded on all sides by mountains.  (I am down on the valley floor on the west side.  The Scratch Gravels are immediately to my west, the Elkhorns are to the south, the Little Belts are to the north, and the Big Belts are to the east.)  The problem here is that the scenery is so expansive in every direction that it is akmost impossible to take landscape shots of the area without a panoramic camera.  Still, I have done my best and hope you enjoy the results.

 
Can you tell from which direction the prevailing wind comes?

Taken from my deck.  I love these hills.

The property where I live is surrounded on three sides by the Kinsey farm and on the fourth by a neighbor’s pasture.  Immediately next to my house are the remains of an orchard.  This is an old apple tree.

Autumn on a neighboring farm.  Taken on my way to work.

 
This is SE of my house on the shore of Canyon Ferry Lake, at a point called White Earth by Lewis and Clark.  There’s a campground just on the other side of the point.  If you look closely at the photo, you can see that the background clouds are  snowing on the Big Belts.  This is one of the few photos I took on my jobhunting trip in September.

This is my Aunt, freezing her buns off at Park Lake in the mountains above the nearby town of Rimini.  Also taken in September.

My parents sent me out into an area known as Bird’s Eye, just on the other side of the Scratch Gravels, to look at a house.  This is the view from the patio.  That’s MacDonald Pass and the Elkhorns in the background.  Wow, do I love that house.

Cattle Grazing in the Scratch Gravels.  Taken in September.

A tiny but perfect golden delicious apple in the orchard next to my house.  My goal is to prune in the spring and hopefully I will get full-size specimins next autumn.

I’m not the only one that enjoys the orchard. There’s a small bachelor heard of mule deer that bed down there most nights.

This is the city at night, taken from my deck.

And, as a bonus for Kanikanihia, my new dishes & flatware.

 Hope you all enjoy!

Just now I was standing on my deck listening to the shush of the first falling snow of the season as my grandfather’s cockoo clock chimed midnight inside the house.  The taste of snow was in my nose and mouth, and the normally endless and china blue sky was instead a heavy blanket overhead.  I had forgotten how snow muffles sound and makes the world smaller, how the universe outside the door is suddenly totally alien to the one inside.  I came in when the snow soaked through my slippers.  But I wanted to sit all night on the steps, while the snow fell in my hair and stuck to my eyelashes, and observe this alternate world.

________________

I typed that up on Sunday night (18 November).  The weather started out with a few hours of off-again-on-again sleet but eventually became honest to God snow, albeit the heavy, wet sort.  The temperature plummeted after that and has been down in the single digits (F) ever since.  I am so happy to experience the turning of the year again.

So, weather aside, I am here, I am working, I am doing well.  There is not enough hot cocoa, instant cuppacuccino, hot tea, or bullion granules in the WORLD — or fleecy pajamas, for that matter.  There is some stress at the moment about future housing arrangements, but even thinking about it makes me tired and I therefore don’t have the energy for whinging.

But I suppose I should back up a bit, since I haven’t posted much for so long.

The drive out here was long but enjoyable.  Day One was all about latitude and the racing-sim feel of driving the Eastern Corridor.  I left my house with two cats in the back of the station wagon at 0700 (EDT) and drove about 10 hours to Monteagle, Tennessee.  That took me through Atlanta, Georgia* and into the Cumberland Mountains.  Day Two I finally got to turn left and cover some longitude.  I left Monteagle at 0900 and it was all downhill from there to Nashville (which must have the world’s best behaved, most polite drivers).  I should have stopped to take photos this day, because autumn in the Cumberlands was just exceptional.  Otherwise, everything went swimmingly until I got to the ridiculous urban planning disaster that is Saint Louis, Missouri — it took me almost THREE HOURS to get around the city.  I finally pulled into Topeka, Kansas and flamesword’s apartment at about 2100, where I spent all of Day Three.  We went shopping, saw Transformers, had dinner with some of her siblings, and watched some Coffee Prince.  It was very good.  Thanks, Flamesword!

Flamesword & me

Day Four was Topeka to Wall, South Dakota.  I left Flamesword at about 0800 and did the latitude thing again for most of the day, driving through America’s Heartland.  It was all about the farms, let me say.  At some point in the afternoon I pulled off the highway at a scenic turnout and walked a short distance to an outcrop that overlooked the Black Hills.  I stood in the wind and silence and felt the vertiginous sensation of clouds racing towards me from hundreds of miles away.  The sky was impossibly huge.  Later, I stopped in Mitchell, South Dakota to pay homage to American oddity at the Corn Palace, then pulled into Wall at about 1730.  After checking into the hotel I headed for (apparently) world famous Wall Drug, but they closed at 1800 on Sunday.

The Corn Palace

Me taking a photo of myself at the Corn Palace

(Wall Drug photo to come, hopefully)

On Day Five I left Wall at 0715.  This was Rocky Mountain day.  I came over a rise outside Sheridan, Wyoming and saw the Front Range for the first time — and it was completely white with snow!  I drove tward/along it for miles wondering if there would be snow in the passes and generally feelking apprehensive.  Along the way I passed through Sundance where I saw my first “If gate is down, road is closed.  Turn back to (_Sundance_)!” sign.  These was pretty frequent in the Wyoming mountains. 

First approach to the front Range

The big fight of the day was the wind, though, particularly after I got into Montana and onto the Crow reservation near the Little Bighorn. It was INSANE coming over the Bozeman Pass from Billings — I was the only asshole on the road dumb enough to try to drive the speed limit (when my car could achieve it in the headwind) and that’s saying a lot in Montana. Montana, incidentally, often helpfully privides you with large identifying signs so you know which mountain range you’re about to brave, such as the Elkhorns — or the Crazies. But I finally pulled into my aunt’s driveway at about 1700.

View from my driveway on arrival day

I was only supposed to have one day here to get some thing done and then start work on the second day after I arrived, but that didn’t happen. My new employer is just incredibly, er, laid-back about things. I finally began working after about a week, and the phone company was only three days late installing my phone service (they insisted that couldn’t find my house inspite of the fact that it is correctly identified on Google Maps, has had phone service from them before, and they had a technician out here earlier in the week to verify my address). I am settling in, I suppose.

Anyway, more local photos to come in a few days. Hope you are all well & happy!

*Eight hours from Fellsmere to Atlanta, Roomonthewire.  Did I do good??  I think I did good!

This is a test post to see if I can get images to upload. 

This photo is of the sunset, taken from my side deck shortly after I arrived in Montana.

Well.  I was offered a few jobs in Montana, two of which did not include benefits.  I’m still waiting to hear from the hospital — the recruiter says they ‘definitely want to get me in, somewhere’ but are ‘just not sure where.’  Meaning, of course, that I was not hired for either of the two positions for which I applied.  In the meantime I have agreed to go full time as a book stocker at the book/media store in town.  I am to start 24 October.

I’ve been trying to get all sorts of things done since I got back from my trip, but I don’t seem to be making appreciable headway.  So many things to do and so little time to do it in.  I only gave myself two days here between my last day at my current job and the day I leave.  It’s not nearly enough time, but I was already asking new employers to hold a job for three weeks. 

So, I will be leaving here in my mother’s station wagon on 18 October.  I’ll be spending a day en route with LJ-user Flamesword.  It will be good to see her, and good to be able to break the four-day drive in half.

It is sort of flattering to see how genuinly sad my Monkey Crew seems to be at my leaving.  I am having terrible guilt.  I have also been having second thoughts.  The new job pays even less than the current one, and I am getting nervous about making ends meet, meeting new people, new family arrangement, etc.  But I am going forward anyway.  From another POV, it seems foolish to turn down what amounts to the gift of a house and property, and I have never liked Florida anyway. 

The most difficult part is that, while I was jobhunting in Montana, my Nana’s cancer returned.  Her health is not good, and I rather expect that after I leave here I will not see her again.  I have tried to convince her to come with me, on the grounds that Mom and Dad will be coming out, too, sooner or later.  But Nana doesn’t want to move and uses the cold weather as an excuse although she rarely leaves her house.  But there is nothing I can do.

Some other items of business:

Nekofreak: I didn’t forget your birthday.  I’ve had a little bag here since the beginning of September that I need to get in the mail; I am just slow and overwhelmed.  I hope your birthday was terrific, however, and hope you will forgive my tardiness.  Your gift should be mailing before I leave Florida! Also, no love for your job right now. You deserve better; go out and get it!!

Lethanon: I got your postcard today!  I <3 you.  Also, my mother laughed at it, a lot.  Thumbs up!  I may have to come for a visit after all.  Also, sorry we got cut off the last time we talked.  I tried to call you back but couldn’t get through, and I haven’t had much time since.  I will call you again from Montana!

Strawberryjoy: I continue to send you Good Thoughts, for whatever they are worth.  Your job situation sounds incredibly frustrating and stressful.  I’m glad you’re doing things like escaping to the city for a day and such.

Randomly, John Green came out of the closet on Nation Coming Out Day, although possibly not the closet one might assume.  I think you will be entertained.

Now I may need more Cotton-candy-jpop  music for my FOUR DAY DRIVE.  Anybody know where I can nick some Arashi or similar?

I am grudgingly entertained by this:

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v6926952XpYWw5y

Apparently, LiveWriter works, at least in some limited capacity.  I wonder if there is any way to make it lock my LJ posts as well.  Will have to explore that — is there some XML code I can insert, maybe?  Handily, though, once I post this the window will remain open, I will choose my LiveJournal blog from the dropdown list, and I will hit publish to send it there, too.  No copy-pasting required.  Still needs testing at GreatestJournal and InsaneJournal.

This is a test post from the Windows LiveWriter Beta.  This is only a test.

Did you know that it’s possible to view Aaron Copeland’s original score for Fanfare for the Common Man on the Library of Congress website?  Did you also know that you can simultaneously listen to a recording by the US Marine Band?

Neither did I.

Check it out.